How To Be Confident With Women

Men's Psychology's picture
Printer-friendly versionPrinter-friendly version
How To Be Confident With Women

I have found that in getting very precise with exactly what a word means contains a great deal of power and practicality.

When we are too vague, as in self-help, there is no reliable, repeatable way to work on a skill. When we are too technical in language, the words become uninspiring, unemotional and not enough to move us into action or change.

Which is why I’ve defined precisely nearly every common word in psychology and self-help for you.



Thoughts from Can o’ Beans

Dr. Paul, Thank you for getting precise with the definition of confidence. Your approach to language has allowed me to try on each of your concepts, which concepts have proven true for me so far. Years ago, this getting precise with my choice of words helped enlighten my self-talk. For that, I'd like to thank another mentor, Tom Robbins. Here's an excerpt from Skinny Legs and All, spoken by the character Can o' Beans:

“Well,” said Can o’ Beans, a bit hesitantly, “imprecise speech is one of the major causes of mental illness in human beings.”
“Quite so. Th inability to correctly perceive reality is often responsible for humans insane behavior. And every time they substitute an all-purpose, sloppy slang word for the words that would accurately describe an emotion or a situation, it lowers their reality orientations, pushes them farther from shore, out onto the foggy waters of alienation and confusion.”
The manner in which the others were regarding him/her made Can o’ Beans feel compelled to continue. “The word neat, for example, has precise connotations. Neat means tidy, orderly, well-groomed. It’s a valuable tool for describing the appearance of a room, a hairdo, or a manuscript. When it’s generically and inappropriately applied, though, as it is in its slang aspect, it only obscures the true nature of the thing or feeling that it’s supposed to be representing. It’s turned into a sponge word. You can wring meanings out of it by the bucketful—and never know which one is right. When a person says a movie is ‘neat,’ does he mean that it’s funny or tragic or thrilling or romantic, does he mean that the cinematography is beautiful, the acting heartfelt, the script intelligent, the direction deft, or the leading lady has cleavage to die for? Slang possesses an economy, an immediacy that’s attractive, all right, but it devalues experience by standardizing and fuzing it. It hangs between humanity and the real world like a …a veil."