Men Who Take Pride in "Going Out Alone"

Paul Dobransky MD's picture
Printer-friendly versionPrinter-friendly version
Men Who Take Pride in "Going Out Alone"

When I was in college, there was a time in my senior year when many of my friends had already graduated, I'd been in a relationship and broken up, and suddenly found myself with no friends to go out with. It was a few weeks of wandering around with my off time, not going out socializing, that I realized nobody was going to come along unannounced to "save me" and suddenly become my "wingman." It was then and there that I decided I MUST learn to go out alone and LOVE it.

The way I tricked my own mind into being in just the right state was to give myself an inspired and inspiring "personna" that I called, "The Friendly Guy." I know, I know - too much information. But what the concept did for me sprang from the realization that being unhappy, or lonely, or even needy - much as you might have every right and reason to feel that way - do NOTHING to solve the problem of fear of going out alone.

It worked. In fact, it worked in stunning fashion.

This past weekend in New York City, I had one of the most unusual personal bootcamp instruction experiences I've ever had. In fact, it brought back memories of those college days, and my own struggle to master what in the world it was that built a vibrant dating life, full of friends and good times. You see, a student paid me well (and rightfully so) to instruct him on every aspect of human courtship, attraction, dating and relationships with women - a "private session" that is scheduled to go for six full hours, live, out on the town in my best venues of NYC...

...however, right at the door to one of the single most difficult environments in all New York to get into - packed with model after model streaming through the door, and hardly another man in sight, my student requested that we leave the venue to go to a quiet hotel bar he knew of across town.

He wanted a quiet environment in which to chat about his efforts, and a critique of what I had seen of his ability with women thus far. I've done this service for over ten years, so while it never ceases to amaze me when someone absolutely demands the worst possible learning conditions for himself, I never question a student's request for how they want to spend the training time together. It's likely that they'll learn more by going to the WRONG place for them, and coming to their own realization that there's far more for them in life and love if they'd expand their view of what's possible.

Oh was I wrong to question his intentions - because it brought me a realization so useful - and so important to your own progress with women - that I'm actually giving a major, 90-minute-long seminar this Friday, March 8 on it, from 6pm to 730pm ET on the skill. (Simply read to the bottom to get in on this.)

Here's what happened: he tapped my mind and my expertise for an hour - anything and everything I could possibly observe about his "game," and he absorbed every word of feedback. I had to remind us both that we'd best be getting on to the major women's charity event that I had planned for him...

...at which he said, "No thank you. I'm done."

I couldn't believe my ears. He paid for an entire six hour personal consultation, but only wanted an hour. He was going to go do his own thing with the rest of the night.

At first, I wondered if I'd missed something - was he interested in a different demographic of women, or was the city too loud for a guy who spent most of his life in a small town? Did he have social anxiety that was just too challenging to tolerate a crowd for more than an hour? Or did he not beleive in himself (or my skill) enough to even try to amplify his results with women?

It was none of the above. In fact, on glowing terms, thrilled with the hour consultation in a nearly empty bar, he skipped off to the rest of his night. In fact, he texted with the results of his social efforts the next morning and signed up for two MORE bootcamps with Men's Psychology, including the St Patrick's Weekend Superbootcamp next weekend in NYC, at http://www.menspsychology.com/bootcamps.

I had to think for a very long time about what caused this. I may be top of the world at what I do, but it struck me as out of the ordinary that a man would happily want only one hour of a six-hour training.

Then it struck me - it was a strong desire for the equivalent of "Friendly Guy" skill - yes, like my times back in college.

 

You CAN Go Out Alone

In fact, an argument can be made that UNTIL you learn to go out alone, you won't have the quality of friendships, dating, attraction, romance and relationships that you really are capable of and deserve.

Those of you who've trained with us before know part of the reason why - it has to do with having rock solid personal boundaries - that one part of our psychology most responsible for what we call "personal strength" - the spine and will to be able to stand on your own two feet, to say NO to acquaintances who don't really make the cut as good friends, to say NO to dates with women who don't understand you, respect you, or feel enough gratitude to be around you - but whom you spend time with anyway just because there's nobody else to spend time with.

Some of you who've visited or have lived in New York long enough have learned what an irony it is that in a city of this size, it is all the more possible to feel more alone than you ever have before anywhere else. It's a second realization for me in the past two weeks, as I've done some catching up with old friends. Over dinner, one by one, they revealed a very private experience: that of some of the most successful men in business (and with women) that I've ever met - a long conversation about all their financial successes, or travels to the Caribbean or Europe, or even in one case, dates with an A-list celebrity...

...they kind of wind down the conversation with a hint, a clue, a revelation that they are STILL, in fact, LONELY. So they say, "I'm really glad you're here. Everyone else is trying to get ahead, or get something out of me, or borrow from me, or steal from me. It's like, it can actually be cool just to get together to talk about women or money or what the next cool party is to go to without some kind of agenda."

It's not that I'm the most amazing conversationalist in the world or even the best friend, but simply that we, as men, have a hard time expressing how important it is to have friends who know us, and we know them, and we're here not to get some advantage out of the other guy as opposed to just giving a damn that he makes something more of himself than he was yesterday.

I guess that's rare, and more so in NYC than anywhere else in the world it seems.

It turns out that this is the very same reason that my student left after only an hour - not that he was having a really BAD time, but that he was getting exactly what he wanted, in the way he needed it - a "jumpstart" on his night, ALONE, from another male who knows what he's talking about, and who really does care.

But there's one extra reason why the six hour bootcamp became a one hour bootcamp, and it's inspired me to give you a FREE webinar, complete with slide presentation by web, this friday at 6pm ET...

 

The Odysseus Instinct

It's one of the many masculine instincts that we lay out for you in several of our programs, but as it pertains to women and attraction, it's one of the most challenging and rewarding for a man to master.

In fact, it may be the "master instinct" in men - the one that makes us feel more alive and accomplished than any other - whether that be with women, work, business, friendship or life in general.

It's the "explorer instinct" - the one that excites you about life through the process of adventure and discovery. Based on the story of Odysseus from the ancient Greek myths - the demigod who traveled the world waging war, meeting women, facing perilous odds, leading men and discovering his fortunes along with his skills at being in the world, alone.

Some men need detailed instruction at every step of learning a new skill - how to fix a complicated part of your automobile's engine for example, or how to do any of the crafts or trades like that of a welder, or carpenter, or surgeon.

For other things in life - like meeting women, choosing a career path, or deciding what city life will take us to next - we need and must have some solitude, and tests of self-reliance, self-determination, and solitary pride in accomplishment for that which we achieve entirely on our own.

My student wanted the opinion, instruction, and approval of another man to empower him to go get this very thing - the rewards of what he, and he alone could be responsible for achieving - on his own.

So the next time you fear going out alone, or not having a friend or wingman to go with you, remember the "Friendly Guy" technique - being friendly to everyone you meet, even if you just moments before felt lonely, or depressed, or low energy, or just not in the mood to socialize. It will be a stunning turnaround, and now you'll know why:

Because when you go out alone, you MUST approach people, and are solely responsible for your results. You'll feel a sense of pride in the brand new friends you do meet, and the enjoyable new women you strike up conversation with. Then win or lose, getting numbers or dates on any given night or not, the "Odysseus Instinct" in you will be fired up to the maximum - which makes you more of a man, more confident and effective for having seen being alone as not "lonely," but an utter adventure, a test of your mettle, and a source of creative solutions to what you now lack, but desire, and WILL win for YOURSELF.

Going out alone, and all of life, are just experiments in what you are capable of...

 

Join Me for an Experiment

It's been a number of months that we've been doing the "Mission of the Week" as a special newsletter and article for On Demand Members only. My experience with this student has caused me to rethink the prospect of giving you something to READ before getting charged up for the weekend, instead of getting you in ACTION for the weekend, and connecting IN PERSON, BY PHONE, with VISUAL MATERIALS to have yourself in peak form IMMEDIATELY before starting your weekend of socializing.

I want this new program to be FREE to On Demand members - something extra, not previously promised, but a gift that may prove to be as effective for you as it was for my student we just discussed.

If it goes STUNNINGLY well for YOU, then I will continue the program on a monthly basis, and if you tell me you can't believe your eyes at what's happening for you after these talks, I may even ramp it up to be an every week event on Fridays, just before most single guys go out to make things happen in their social lives.

It's going to be called the Men's Psychology Weekend Jumpstart, and it will only be successful if YOU are successful with women.

We'll get together to cover the most important moves, tips, strategies and tactics for lighting women on fire with desire for you, but ONLY the specific women who are RIGHT for you, your personality, your lifestyle, your identity, and your future even-more-satisfying dating life.

In a moment, I'm going to give you a link, but I don't want anybody and everybody to come. I want it to be highly specific to YOU, and with ample time together as a group to personally help you with your strategy for this weekend - keeping in mind, YOUR style, YOUR strengths and weaknesses, and a specific CHALLENGE you'd like to overcome that holds you back with women. We'll work on it together for 90 minutes JUST BEFORE YOU GO OUT ON THE TOWN to socialize.

There couldn't be a more powerful or timely way to work together from as far away as the other side of the planet (not all of you can just fly to New York next weekend for the bootcamp)...

So here's how to get in:

It's for MEMBERS of the On Demand Program ONLY.

Luckily, that program is just ONE DOLLAR to join for the first month. After that, we keep working togther on the teleseminars, forums, and possibly, this new, weekly "Weekend Jumpstart" for only $37/month. But then again you can always quit during that ONE DOLLAR month! (99% STAY however, and there's a reason: My time is $500/hour privately, NOBODY fails to massively advance their skill when we get to work, and the On Demand Program is a FRACTION of the cost of seeing me one on one.)

So...

1.) Become a member, HERE:

http://www.menspsychology.com/OD (because the attendance link will ONLY work for already-existing members)

Then...

2.) Click this attendance link to view the Jumpstart Video and get charged up for your weekend! (It doesn't work if you aren't an On Demand member):

http://www.menspsychology.com/the-weekend-jumpstart-seminar

You're going to experience the single most powerful weekend socializing you will have ever had. Not only that - as a member you'll get both the Masculine Intelligence ebook and 2-hour audio program, AND the Advanced Masculine Intelligence ebook and ANOTHER 2-hour audio program - both jam-packed with tools, skills, and tips with women, work, and being a man who forges the life he wants.

See you there.

shadow