Reinventing Yourself as a New Man

You've likely had some experiences in the major areas of life that made you just want to start over from scratch - a whole new identity, a whole new life, and a whole new you living in it. These may be areas such as finances, your relationships with women, your health, weight, or appearance, and even in your spirituality.

Some of these currently have societal remedies - for example, bankruptcy for your finances.

Some of the remedies for them are instant - for example, plastic surgery for your appearance.

Some of them have remedies that are slow, but worthwhile in their durability and as solutions to multiple areas - for example, yoga for your weight and spirituality both.

And some of them have no remedy - for example, what happens between you and women.

Just kidding on that last one. There are definite remedies for that one too, not the least of which is the full courtship model that we cover in the Omega Male Program on disc or video streaming (get the free, 3-day "mini-course" on it)...

...and even if you learn what to do to be more effective with women through educational materials, you may still need a LIVE training to show you how to use what you learn - that's why we do Men's Attraction and Dating Expeditions - the latest coming up very, very soon.

Yet when all is said and done, even the most difficult situations in your life as a man have solutions when you are both curious, and patient with what you have to work with.

That's been the subject so far this month in our Men's Psychology On Demand Program's teleseminar series, the next one actually being FREE to the public to attend (as we try to occasionally do to give you a shot at experiencing this incredible "virtual men's group."

Last week we had such an interesting set of creative ideas on the subject bubble up that we thought we would just share those principles with you.

It's such a big deal to decide that you've tried so hard to change something in life, tried so often, or against such odds that you actually find yourself wishing that you could "just do it all over" or transform completely.

Well, sometimes that's being melodramatic and you need to step back and revise how severe your assessment is...

...but then again, sometimes you might be right, and it really could be a realistic and viable option to make several major, global changes in your life and in yourself.

Reinventing Yourself

Let's deal with the elephant in the room first - male depression and even the S-word: suicidality.

I know - a bummer of a topic - but a very common human experience for such terrible negativity to linger in a man's life from time to time.

One of the most useful ways of thinking about this I've found started with a little rule an old mentor of mine used in his psychiatry practice. He was officially a "suicidologist" - one who studies suicide as an academic area of interest. Yet his rule was one of the first things he would establish with new treatments - he'd say, "I will not work with you if you entertain suicide."

It seems illogical at first, but with a little thinking, you can realize that he would be making a contract with people about how to behave during times of stress and challenge, and it was a clear message to them that yes, no matter what, we always have positive, solution-oriented options for EVERYTHING.

Take this idea a bit further and you discover something even more remarkable:

The words and phrases that we use to describe our emotions pack an incredible amount of power for the positive (or negative.)

For example, consider this... If you think about it, most people who are deeply depressed and cite suicidalness try to express something simple to themselves and others when they do mention it: they feel about as bad as they have ever felt, and can't imagine ever finding a solution or end to it.

Well, there's a negative set of words to describe these emotions, and yet there's also not only a more positive set of words or phrases, but in fact, a more ACCURATE phraseology to use.

The first way of describing it above! In other words, something like "I feel really bad. So bad that I've never felt this bad before. I would do nearly anything to feel better than this, but I haven't found a way to..."

Far more accurate. And the missing word at the end of the sentence is, "...YET!"

So for lesser things than massive catastrophe that the rest of us can easily experience, consider giving yourself the same rule - to use not just positive, but accurate language: "I feel bad and haven't found the answer yet. but I WILL."

And you can confidently make that your rule because there really is an answer to every problem - a positive, constructive, mature and effective one.

We don't have to stay on the negative end of the spectrum either. One of the fastest growing areas of psychology is the Positive Psychology movement, which has a spirit of not just "pathologizing" everything that happens to us, but seeks to take us from "below average" or "average" in mood, into growth and peak performance too.

This is the spirit of the Masculine Intelligence in Men's Depression (Depresculinity) Program - a course you can take not just on "depression" in general, but on the power of masculine instincts, boundaries, and a new frame of reference on western society to get out of the doldrums, and into peak performance specifically as a man. (Also look for the "Motivation Module" in that program!)

Through all this, you may find that solutions can involve a simple change in habits, some advice from a mentor, a new tool, or resource or reference.

But every now and then it really can make sense to consider what women have fantasized about and sometimes actually done for themselves through all recorded history - a (gulp) "makeover."

Only in this case, I don't mean a beauty makeover. I mean a global change in yourself and how you manage your life.

If you have ever heard of a person getting so urgent, so extreme, or so negatively activated as to consider suicide (and you have heard of that), then why don't people consider something so urgent, extreme and massive in positivity as a "life makeover?"

Numerous such men as that are out there (and maybe you are one would could write to us or comment below) - and oftentimes it's simply not as newsworthy to the media. (We think it IS newsworthy.)

The Five Factors of Masculine Reinvention

You've heard of "life makeovers" before - often in purely women's media, on Oprah and the like - but you almost never hear of such a thing specifically in reference to men and only men. How would men do a "life makeover" and still be able to look themselves in the mirror using that phrase?

Well, start by not using the girly phrase, "makeover."

It's a transformation, an evolution, or a reinvention, actually. We have multiple uses for the Mature Masculine Power Program in your everyday life as a man, and this is one of them.

1. Change your environment, "globally."

"Globally" in quotes because we don't just mean getting new furniture or remodeling your house (although I do know of a man who ripped out his dining table to install a pool table and urinal after his divorce.)

Instead, we mean a massive geographic change. Some of the best reinvention in my own life was spurred by a change from a small town to a great big city, moving cross-country, and some men I have known did ninety percent of their personal evolutionary boosting by actually changing their nation of residence.

I told you that the Mature Masculine Power Program is useful in your total masculine reinvention and here is exactly how. In that program we "decode male instincts" in a similar way to being a construction worker with a toolbelt, or in a spinoff module from the program, Superhero Masculinity - like a superhero with a utility belt. It's a matter of tapping into mythology for stories that reveal very specific masculine skills that are needed for specific growth tasks as a man.

In this case, moving to a new city, cross-country or to a whole new nation tap into the highly energizing, masculinizing instinct we call the Odysseus Instinct - the one that drives men to explore, discover, adventure, and relish the freedom of "new lands."

Relocate yourself with the right, positive attitude and you will be loving life.

2. Change Your Social Environment.

Notice that this factor will often spring naturally out of the first factor - that you tend to meet all new friends in "new lands." So it's not as simple as joining a new social club or hanging out at new social venues (although those will make an impact and are a good start on reinvention.)

No, this one goes deeper than just joining new social circles. There are two things to consider about your OWN skills in making social and friendship choices as a man.

One is that those with opposite personality styles from your own will be more challenging to befriend because you need to go outside your comfort zone to do the activities THEY like most, and in places they like most. We cover these exact personality styles in the KWML Mastery Program and get you started for free with the test you can take called the KWML Personality Test.

The other is that those other men you befriend in forming a new social group had better be on a mission in life that has similarities to your own. It means more than being an accountant and joining a professional organization for accountants. You might be an accountant who also has little inspirations that spur you toward being an entrepreneur, signing up for an acting class, going mountain biking, and chancing across a Buddhist trinket store run by a real, high-level Buddhist Monk (which I did recently in New York) - then let's say discovering an actor, a mountain biker, and a Monk who would eventually become your unexpected best friends and business partners on a new venture in selling Buddist "hood ornaments for mountain bikes," which I did NOT do...

...but you get the idea - there was a "shared mission" in this new business I just now made up on the spot. You are the accountant, the mountain biker is the "people person" to sell the hell out of the product, and the Buddhist Monk is both figurehead, spiritual leader, and grounded guy who knows business at street level too.  The "shared mission" as men is "getting something valuable, inspiring and good out to the public."

This notion of a "group mission" to collect your best friend team" around is also from the Mature Masculine Power Program. That program would also tell you that any of the "Demigods" from ancient Greek mythology - such as Achilles, Perseus, or Hercules - all had a way of "rallying the troops" to remind them of the shared mission men need to be on if they are to reinvent themselves, emerging not just as "men with makeovers," but heroes.

3. Change Your Mind

Which is not to say, be wishy-washy, or even to "psych yourself up" or psych yourself into pretending to be something you are not.

It's to expand your mind, evolve your mind, get a new education, learn something very different. Notice that this too can be a change that happens with a big geographic change - new place, new people, and NEW IDEAS.

It's often something for men to return to - something they dreamt of as a child that they wanted to be someday. A hobby that fizzled out, one where they won one award but then rested on their laurels or soon forgot about it.

One thing is for sure - a man will not progress on this factor of reinvention if he does not cultivate two things in his mind - curiosity, and patience. Nothing good can come of your mindset, your learning, or improvement from the inside out if you do not have these two things.

When you do, you'll be able to expand beyond your wildest dreams. One man I know went from uncurious loser to massive 20-million-dollar-a-year winner in just a few years when his curiosity caught on fire for avidly reading books on business and psychology. Some of you have heard of him and know who I'm talking about.

This is an example of the Apollo Instinct - the "Renaissance Man" instinct that we talk about in the Mature Masculine Power Program as well.

4. Change Your "Privacy Settings"

Few men these days have had the self-imposed experience of putting away their smart phones for a day, or shutting down the computer. It's a life changer to practice it once a week or so. A few more men have had the experience of shifting not only their home to a new site, but their office too.

That might then imply a new job of course, but it doesn't have to. It at the very least means discovering and choosing a brand new "secret spot" where you go to think - for example in my case, Central Park New York - which I couldn't do from any other city. Or getting a small new rented office (even if you have a day job.) Or a bench you like to sit on, restaurant you discover, or coffee shop for checking email that none of your friends, your girlfriend or even wife have ever heard of.

Don't tell them where it is. It's yours and yours alone and you have every right, even in a marriage, to have a sliver of privacy.

I'm understating that. You have the right to any amount of privacy you need or want - a major subject of the new Masculine Intelligence in Personal Boundaries Program.

If you've ever wondered why it is that when you moved in with a woman to a place with one bedroom, or worse - one bathroom - you soon started fighting like animals when things were all blissful before, there's a very good reason. Men MUST have a private, secret space, privacy, and time where they can problem-solve, create, strategize and envision their next moves in career, health, growth and life. It's called the Hades Instinct in the Mature Masculine Power Program, and is based on the Greek god of the Underworld. The figure of immense power who spends eternity largely alone.

It's the very same reason that superheroes like Superman or Batman have a Fortress of Solitude or a Batcave - not just to hang out in watching sports and eating pizza, but to create their next world-saving strategy, gather their tools, and mentally prepare to go out into battle. Which is also why Superhero Masculinity is such a great companion to the Mature Masculine Power Program.

5. Change Your Passiveness to Action

One of the toughest things I've found in helping men transform is perhaps the thing that starts with the very first step - passiveness and a lack of motivation. There's always tomorrow to get started, and every excuse in the book to avoid getting started, especially on a major, global reinvention.

It's one of the reasons that men need "rituals" in their lives, like the baseball player swings the bat a few times and spits before the pitcher is ready to throw the ball. We need to work up physically and mentally into the zone where we compete and win.

It's also one of the reasons that society in general, independent of gender, needs holidays, such as New Year's Day - the traditional time that we establish "resolutions" for the coming year.

But you see how often people let go of their "resolutions" and they never do add up to reinvention. They fear competition, or aren't comfortable with it, they wish for a world where they won't have to compete with other men, and they wait for inspiration to become motivated. (It's one of the reasons I had to completely decode male motivation for a special module of the Masculine Intelligence in Depression - Depresculinity Program.)

Once again there is a special masculine instinct from the Mature Masculine Power Program. It's called the Aries Instinct - the male instinct that not only doesn't avoid competition, but THRIVES on it. This was the ancient Greek god of war, and the stories involving this figure speak to how to use that instinct to motivate, gather resources, and ritually prepare to go out into the world and fight for what's yours, what's right, and what you cannot do without - the instinct to WIN.

Quite the opposite of suicidality, isn't it?

One of the things that we discover in both the Depresculinity Program and the general personal growth program for men called the MindOS mastery Program is that a major feature of depression is passivity - a spiral downward far, far away from solid, positive ACTION toward your dreams, your mission in life, the right career, woman, and health that you MUST have.

Change Is Slow, Patient, and Worth It

The biggest irony of a major transformation, a reinvention, is that it most often can't be instant and immediate. I am always reminded of the "Three P's" of the entertainment industry - the things that are always present when someone becomes durably famous and/or successful - Patience, Persistence, and Passion.

Most "motivational speaker gurus" sell only the passion part. But that alone, sadly, just won't add up to much without the other two.

We said earlier that a man has GOT to have curiosity in order to thrive - that's the Apollo Instinct - the "Renaissance Man" hungry for education that is in every successful man.

But we also said that he has to have patience.

Many men I know would say that patience is not a very masculine thing, that they want to be rich and have to get rich quick. They go for every fad of personal growth, every in vogue hairstyle hoping that will change anything, and with every new job trend, they jump on the bandwagon of real estate, personal coaching, or internet marketing.

What you CAN do immediately is to start taking action after action in these five factors - you've then STARTED. And as the Chinese Proverb says, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with the very first step."

Since we do cover men's personal growth, dating, relationships, and career issues at Men's Psychology Magazine, and since it's an online publication, it would be easy to misconstrue what I do as "marketing" or "personal coaching" on this "real estate" called the internet.

That's the least of what I do or who I am. It's decades of actual professional work that fuels this work - tiring often, back-breaking labor, sleepless nights reading and writing, endless traveling to meet you all, live.

For your long term use, the masculine instinct that you'll have to wrap all the rest within is called the Hephaestus Instinct - based on the Greek god who toiled away endlessly on his anvil, crafting the tools, and weapons, and devices of power for all the other gods of Mt. Olympus.

It's the male need to persist with patience, hard work while enjoying the small rewards of a day's work well-done, or the lessons of work not well done that day. Which eventually lead to a life built over years not days. And one that has evolved, and been reinvented many times.

Until you've won not the battle but the war to reach your dreams, your mission in life come true. The learning, the solitude, the friends, and the adventure of it all serving you all the way, and rewarding you every day in small changes.