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The Crossroads of Life for Men
There are only three main destinations in the mind that you must reach in your lifetime. I often find myself giving men advice on geographic choices for their major transitions - divorce, job loss or boredom, and seeing out a better life - finding myself just as often recommending that for English-speaking males with college educations that they absolutely, positively must at some time in their lives, live for at least one year in New York City, one year in London, and one year in a more temperate or "wildcard" city of your specific interest, abroad, such as a warm Rio, or exotic Paris or Tokyo or sunny, fun-loving Los Angeles, depending on taste.
These three cities or types of city are places to truly master their lives. Meanwhile, these three "destinations of the mind" are just as important for reaching mastery of your life, true satisfaction and fulfillment in it : mastery of your relations to WOMEN, WORK in reaching a career mission for yourself, and WORTH as a man in your identity, the way you view yourself, the way your friends, family, community, and social groups view you and value you.
Crossroads of Life, Decisions and Transitions
You have decisions to make which compose all transitions in life. Transitions ARE choices, and each individual choice in life is also a transition of a kind. Yet while most men who write me, are writing about a big decision they have to make, more often than not they tell their tale as if they somehow are forced to choose between "Option A" and "Option B" to the total exclusion of the other, and forever.
They are choosing between two women, or whether to be single or married, or whether to break up or not, or job A versus job B, or whether to quit, to leave, to give up, to keep persisting, to think versus to act, or to act versus to think things through.
Men need to think less of the fine details of decisions and transitions, but rather to think more about and use, what we can only call a "crossroads."
So many men have contacted us recently for help in such diverse areas, but if you tried to find what's common in them all, it's almost always about what they think is a simple decision. Whether it's about a man deciding on breaking up, whether to ever have children, switch careers, start a business, or change something about their health - in the modern whirlwind of life's time expenditures where we are so short on time, these are not really definable by the simple word, "decisions."
They are about what must surely be a TRANSITION when you look at the big picture - a journey to something new or at least different, to a destination or goal, and more ... a big change in one's life. One gentleman was suddenly attacked at work by a competitor he never suspected. Another was cheated on by his girlfriend. A third has a new health problem. These aren't "decisions" - they are utter changes in life which one could navigate smoothly and successfully, or could truly become a rocky road if not a cliff.
Still, if you follow any of our material on personal growth, such as in the MindOS Program or Quantum Psychology Program, you know that it is a handy thing to break goals down into smaller parts, and to account for the resources you'll need - applying patience to building them over time. But even this distinction falls short on what I am talking about. It addresses the "road" itself to talk about "chunking down goals," but not about those junctures along the road, with their potential new directions - those crucial intermediary "joining points" of the potential destinies for your life...
...which we could easily call CROSSROADS.
So the way to think of how these relate is that in any potential major problem or challenge, there will need to be a TRANSITION if you are successful. That's like planning a roadtrip of a thousand miles, and to a place you really want to be. This is the BIG picture of the challenge.
Maybe you've been thrown backward in some area like your career or finances, or in your relationships to women. That would be like planning a trip to "go home" - back to the stability and status you had.
Alternatively maybe your challenge isn't "being thrown backwards" but rather, prevented from moving FORWARD toward what you really want - full of ambition and desire, and achievement beyond the norm. In this case it's a roadtrip of life's goals you might call "getting there." You want to "get there" to that place of your potential.
Whatever you want to call it, it's a transition.
Crossroads are the "middle tier" in size when it comes to us deconstructing a male challenge, and they are the most frequently missed feature of being successful here. They are the joining points of long segments of road in our "chunked down" trip to success, and like transitions themselves, are often confused with simple decisions.
"Crossroads" AREN'T simple, but they are certainly more manageable than trying to take on an entire "Life Transition" in one bite.
If you've ever driven on the hilly roads and plains of Ireland, and spun around a bend only to almost run into a flock of sheep or a broken down tractor, then you know what I mean when I say there are "surprises" on these roads of life. You never know what to expect.
Crossroads make life more manageable as a "technology" of Men's Psychology for the reason that they do tend to be LIMITED in type and number, and they, themselves, can be picked apart tactically, and as part of your overall strategy through a transition like divorce, job loss or change, personal health, or a financial setback.
We should "decode" the types of Crossroads there are, roadmap style, after taking just a moment to comment on DECISIONS - those smallest units of the bigger Crossroads, which are in kind smaller units of the overall Transition...
If you were a chemist, or better - an alchemist trying to change the heavy lead of a life setback into the gold of a new, successful goal achievement - to turn defeat into victory, you would see a Life Transition as a MOLECULE - a useful new compound like a miracle drug, or invention like the special molecules that line that universal invention called the "Post-It" Note.
You want to REINVENT your challenge into a brand new substance of life.
The Crossroads of Life would then be like atoms in the Periodic Table - simple units you can grasp and see and catalog, and therefore work with to build any more-complex molecule you please. Like the atoms Hydrogen, Oxygen, Iron, and Carbon, you could easily understand their properties, and how it is that they can make you infinitely adaptable at life's troubles in much the way Hydrogen can combine with Oxygen to make the highly useful substance, Water, Iron combined with Carbon can be used to make the highly useful substance, Steel, and Carbon when paired with Hydrogen can make some of the very molecules of life itself in the form of fats and organic material.
As you can tell, Crossroads are where it's truly at in your synthesis of a major, successful Life Transition.
But Decisions themselves are the most elementary particles of all - like one of those in an atom - the ELECTRON. By themselves, they aren't so useful, one little electron, but when used and steered right, they drive the reactions of atoms in making something greater.
When decisions are negative or of low quality, like the charge of an electron, they may repel what you want to build, and you can fail on the back of one, lonely decision.
When they are positive or of high quality, like the positive charge of a PROTON, they can be amassed, and harnessed, and be a driving force in your life, applied upward, to the level of a Crossroads, and ultimately the level of the Life Transition itself.
We need to "see all three levels" of decision-making simultaneously to be successful, and it all hinges on those "atoms" those Crossroads of life.
Let's look at the finite, easily-understood, major types of Crossroads then you, yourself will be able to figure out how to assemble them into any solutions you need, just by experimenting in the lab of life...
The interesting thing about the Roundabout Crossroads of life is not that it is an ambivalent obsession - a set of circumstances causing you to circle round and round and coming back to the same conclusion - that you just can't decide something.
What's unique about it is that it offers an answer to EVERYTHING that is difficult about a crossroads - that there is no way out of a difficult decision, or ambivalence, except to just go ahead and make ANY decision.
It forces you to weigh and measure to your best ability, then make an educated guess on the option that wins even by a nose. It's often seen in a guy agonizing over a situation with no pleasant alternative - such as going through a divorce and trying to decide how much alimony to pay: a large amount or even larger. Or a situation where a great job you have isn't as enticing as an even better job in the short run, but with more risk in the long run.
What makes the Y-Fork Crossroads in life different from the Roundabout is that it happens to a guy who doesn't have a problem moving forward, and doesn't hesitate or obsess like the Roundabout leads to. But it does cause you to have to choose between two equally valuable options.
This is not uncommon to see in a guy who is trying to decide which of two enjoyable, compatible women are best to get serious with in dating, or two jobs of nearly the same duties and pay, but for different companies or brands.
The solution is to remember that you can always turn back shortly after engaging in one direction, so long as you set a benchmark for a benefit you seek in each - one that can be detected in short order after starting down the path. If no reward or hint of a reward? Go back immediately.
The "Yield Sign"
Sometimes events come along that will not be conquered by you, at least not now. And while it sometimes serves you well to surrender to the things you can't control, these problems won't even let you do that to move on. They will persist in nagging you, hassling you, and knocking you off your game at work and with women.
A death in the family, debt and financial downturn, a health issue as big as new diabetes or as small as the common cold can invade your life, your plans, your mission as a man, and threaten to overtake and sabotage your good work up to now. You will not be able to defeat them in the moment, but you cannot also merely throw your hands up and give up either. They need to be DEALT with, and that is YIELDING in life. You'll simply have to make time to address them, dial back your other ambitions to get them more under control and addressed - until you can slowly climb back into the saddle of building your life again toward what you were originally headed for.
The "Four-Way intersection"
Some obstacles to your goals and dreams with women and work are horribly tough but only present you with a YES/NO option, or a FORWARD/REVERSE option. The Four Way Intersection is not one of those. It's extra hard because of the diversity of options - do we break up, separate, go to counseling, or just forget about it and not talk? Do you accept the demotion, quit and go elsewhere, kiss up to the boss, or just hope it goes away?
The Four Way Intersection demands much more of you as a man than the others, in that unlike the Roundabout, you can't just wait and wait before *maybe* finally deciding on an option. You have to decide from among the many, and decide quickly or disaster will quickly ensue. It will quickly pay off to cultivate the boundaries, decision-making power, and Left-brain/Right-brain observation that we teach in the MindOS Mastery Program. The key phrase is that you will have to learn to VALUATE or place a hierarchy of value on your options and goals, then choose the number one option first, working your way down.
But never forget the downward direction. You can always go BACKWARDS on steps you've made forward. If it's the WRONG job, or WRONG woman, it doesn't matter how long you've been at it - you can REVERSE the bad direction you've gone in. The MMP helps you detect that about career and the Omega Male Program helps you detect it about women.
It's not THAT kind of turn off (although your rejection of a woman or her rejection of YOU can certainly lead to this Crossroads.)
Sometimes you don't need to undo what you've done. You don't need to back it up. You just need to STOP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
Comedian Stephen Colbert recently made a parody of today's pop culture scandals by claiming that he has invented a "new technology" to prevent literally or figuratively "getting caught with your pants down." He called it the algorithm, "D.O.N.T., which stands for, basically, DON'T."
Whether it's drug abuse, serial monogamy, serial polygamy, serial striking out, abusive bosses, incompetent employees, or any other self-chosen harm in your life, if something is not good for you, STOP it, or if you yourself aren't doing good in the world, STOP going down that path and just turn off. Take a break at the rest stop, turn onto a different road right away - doesn't matter - just say NO and STOP what doesn't serve you, those you love, or society.
The "Bend in the Road"
Sometimes we run up against obstacles requiring a decision that on the surface seem like they'd stop us cold, but on closer inspection reveal that we really can in fact get around them to solve a problem...
...if only we'd FLEX a bit, and take a different course back to the same goal. This will require creativity or the Right-brained persuasion.
Certainly you've been caught in traffic sometime, when you found that there was a turn-off that led to the exit or slip road, then back onto the freeway again ahead of a hundred or so vehicles. It turns out that this is exactly what we need to do in life and with its obstacles in order to get around and solve problems without losing track of our original goal.
We need to remember in life that this is not the exception, but the RULE. Most of the time things do not go the exact way we plan them or would like them, but rather that way they randomly want to go in due time.
The Median as a Crossroads of life represents those obstacles on the way to your goal that require you to ignore something, steer clear of it, know it's there but not get mesmerized, seduced, or distracted by it enough to move on to progress on your mission in life as a man. This is detailed in the Mature Masculine Power Program.
This means that in cases for example, when you are just about to score a major victory in career, it is definitely the WRONG time to let drama with a woman get the better of you. In some cases that is the MOST likely time for drama with a woman to arise.
Likewise, in times when you are about to make a major advance with women - getting a great dating life going, going on those great dates, finding and keeping a girlfriend, or deciding on marriage - now is NOT the time to let some little setback at work get you down, or impair your progress with women.
You keep your eyes on the prize instead of your distractions and opponents - a concept that we cover heavily in MindOS Mastery. It is a talent, a skill that cna be built from scratch, and cultivated through experience, and one that will serve you all your life - to "table" the dramas and challenges that aren't that important, to not make them urgent when they are not, and instead to cut through the flak and wasted time on worries that don't matter, and instead to steadfastly look only at your most dearly held soon-to-be future accomplishments.
The "Dangerous Curves Ahead"
We end with this one, the Dangerous Curves Crossroads, because it is truly the most common and reality-based feature of life and its obstacles. Things never go quite as planned, and it will serve you well to stop thinking quite so much like an analytical accountant, and more like a skilled, happy and ready-for-anything surfer.
This is a comparison of the Left-brain with its analytical nature, to the Right-brain with its creative problem-solving. We all have both, and need both.
There's a great need in men, who are so direct, goal-oriented, and ambitious to reach their goals - to never forget that they can and will alter their course during times of trouble, only to return safely to the direct path to their goals. And sometimes this is only a matter of pace - like slowing down to go over a speed bump, or around a curve, or in slippery conditions. It's okay to slow down when you need to, and will make you more effective at getting to your goals in the most efficient way.
The Value of a GPS
What if you had a GPS for life itself - something that would pre-warn you not just before every decision, but every collection of them, through every Crossroads, and in service of making those enormously challenging transitions in life?
Well there is - the technology of Men's Psychology is composed of many training programs for different aspects of life - from women in the Omega Male Program, to the psychology of the workplace and your mission as a man within it, in the Mature Masculine Power Program, to the general personal growth of MindOS Mastery Program, to the mastery of all the unconscious, the masculine instincts within it in the Mature Masculine Power Program, to the skills of politics, alliances and friendships, and estimating people's behavior of the KWML Program.
Our bundled collection of Video Streaming program as well as all ebooks and audios we have, are cultivated together in a systematic way in the "kitchen sink" collection of Men's Psychology programs called the Renaissance Man Program.
You Have Arrived At Your Destination
One thing is for sure - there is a SOLUTION TO EVERY PROBLEM - especially when you break them down into their working parts - major Life Transitions, Crossroads of life, and all the little decisions that make them up.
When you reach the level of mastery that understands and can execute on skill with all areas of human psychology shown above, there gets to be an "inevitability" of getting to the goals you want to achieve. But the perfect perspective to have on life is located dead center in the middle - not at the one by one decision level, or the overwhelming large scale of your Life Transitions, but at the Crossroads level that combines them together.