The Four Types of Humor in Women

Paul Dobransky MD's picture
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The Four Types of Humor in Women

Tension is not always a bad thing. At least when you recognize that it is the same as arousal, and arousal is a neutral thing simply meaning that you have someone's attention.

On one end of the spectrum, allowing it to build too high becomes anxiety-ridden and uncomfortable, and letting it be too loose - too slow - causes it to fall flat and not be very interesting.

The perfect complement to a gift for creating tension with a woman, is the gift of humor - and the knowledge that there are exactly four main types of it.

It was kind of stunning to recently read about the ancient physician below, when thinking of how his ideas were eventually debunked as primitive and nearly magical-thinking, unscientific, and patently wrong...

...only to have one of those "wait a minute" moments when we stop to wonder: Could there have been something to it that was simply misinterpreted or incomplete?

 

Galen's "Four Humors"

To the Roman physician who lived two centuries before Christ, there were four "humors" of a different sort from what you were thinking - a word denoting a type of bodily fluid (which, come to think of it, may actually be the sort you were thinking of when you wanted to learn more about women's humor) ... anyway... in that time, it was thought that all things were combinations of four basic elements: earth, air, fire, and water.

  • The qualities of these elements were thought to be found in four corresponding humors, or fluids that affect the functioning of our bodies.
  • These four humors were thought to affect our emotions and general characteristics of our behavior - our "temperaments."
  • Temperamental problems were thought to be caused by an imbalance in our "humors."

...so by restoring the balance of our four humors, a physician could cure our emotional and behavioral problems.

Except for the fact that there aren't "four humors in the body" and the ones that do, clearly don't "influence our behavior." (Other than, perhaps, the humor of the frisky kind.)

In Galen's explanation of personality, there were four PHYSICAL fluids that make us up:

  • Phlegmatic - the kind that "is slow, quiet, shy, rational, and consistent."
  • Choleric - the kind that "is fiery, energetic, and passionate."
  • Sanguine - the kind that "is warm-hearted, cheerful, optimistic, and confident."
  • Melancholic - the kind that "is sad, fearful, depressed, poetic and artistic."

In his ancient view, if one of these four liquids - phlegm, bile, black bile, or blood - were developed in too much abundance (and an imbalance resulted), the person developed a personality style befitting that liquid. Which clearly is not really what is going on.

Psychological theories, a relatively recent development in history, are often explained through metaphors borrowed from the PHYSICAL world. For example, Sigmund Freud's "drives" and "forces" or such phrases set in physical, visual, gut-felt mental images as "it's on the tip of my tongue."

Again, it's pretty clear that the tongue is not a brain, and "ideas" and "memories" do not LITERALLY, PHYSICALLY position themselves at the distal end of your organ of taste.

It's just a metaphor that gives you a visual image in your head of what it feels like to "almost remember" an important bit of information, and still can't quite access it from your memory.

You also must be familiar with how such pseudo-sciences as Astrology manage to sometimes seem almost as if they are "real" or scientifically valid or accurate.

Their trump card? A distribution of characteristics seen across the variety in the populace, and viola - there appear to be explanations for everything you see in what is being measured, when in reality, what you are seeing is none other than the "phenomenology" - or outer appearance of a range of characteristics, simply documented.

Tie the outer appearance of things on a range, to a metaphor that has a range, and you have the illusion of causation without an actual, valid, predictive, measurable, repeatable, reliable, and valid SCIENTIFIC THEORY.

So Astrology...

Simply make a scale that has a beginning (January) and an end (December) - and has all other varieties of the item between the two ends. The rest of the months and constellations of the sky in those months, and you have all the varieties in the seasons and their dates to work with.

Next, tie the range to a metaphor that also has the range - in the case of Astrology, the varieties of behavior, preferences, style, needs, wants, desires and hoped-for fulfillment.

Cap it off with repetition that leads to only seeing the "false positives," ignore the negatives, and it seems like all people born in March act this way and all people born in August act a different way.

The truth is that we ALL act, ALL ways.

So there's first a problem in Galen's theory on several levels - there's no direct connection between body fluids and behavior AND THERE'S NOT A CONSISTENT WAY OF RESPONDING to the phenomenology observed. For example, did they use leech therapy? Or take some roots and berries thought to impact phlegm? Who knows that the right response is for being Choleric or Melancholic? No rhyme or reason to anything that comes next.

Secondly, the metaphor isn't even creative or useful in a way that has clear identifiers, because, thirdly, psychology is invisible, and he or those who interpreted him, made the false assumption that the physical metaphor was more than just symbolism - but instead the way things really do, physically work.

I'd always assumed that ancient ideas such as his - now primitive from the perspective of a couple millenia later - might best be discounted and ignored entirely, that when a new theory arrives, throw out the old theory.

But wait a minute. What if we ought to not "throw the baby out with the bath water" as my grandmother used to say.

It turns out that "phenomenology" is quite useful so long as it is tied to repeatable results that are predictive therefore, and while to engineering types this may be all that counts. Even to basic bench scientists it becomes useful when new evidence comes along to explain CAUSALITY of the phenomenology.

In the field of Psychiatry we use phenomenology all the time to categorize, diagnose, and head toward treatment this way. It's called the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual - sets of common phenomenologic findings that statistically correlate with diagnoses, which are then reliably treated by certain types of medicines and therapy.

Re-reading Galen in this way, it's not lost on me that he had four categories of personality and temperament, that they covered a diversity of human behaviors - a spectrum if you will - and maybe that's the "baby" to not throw out with the "bathwater."

In some ways, they sound remarkably like some modern models of personality, from the color codes to Myers-Briggs, to our own KWML personality/temperaments:

  • Phlegmatic - "is slow, quiet, shy, rational, and consistent" - like our "KING/QUEEN" temperament.
  • Choleric - "is fiery, energetic, and passionate" - like our "WARRIOR" temperament.
  • Sanguine - "is warm-hearted, cheerful, optimistic, and confident" - like our "MAGICIAN" temperament.
  • Melancholic -  "is sad, fearful, depressed, poetic and artistic" - like our "LOVER" temperament.

If we deal with the problem of HAVING NO CAUSALITY with the example below, we just might be able to harvest some usefulness out of Galen even today, without falling prey to his error of lacking causality by attributing behavior to physical structures, "humors" and the like.

And then look at today's use of the word HUMOR to learn a brand new skill in communication to women - the "haha" kind of humor for which there is no "science" or systematic theory - only an art...

 

The Hair Color Personality System

Here's an example of how one could "make up their own personality system" using no knowledge of behavior, no scientific reliability, and certainly no CAUSAL connection between variables:

Say that you notice one or two women in your time who have a certain hair color, and act a certain way in some situations (we are vague already here)...

Maybe redheaded women get angry in your view or limited experience, and brunettes are patient and thoughtful.

If you used two others - such as blondes and dark hair as two more points on a compass to round out all color varieties of human hair, you'd have quite a nice spectrum of the "phenomenology of human hair color."

Remember, "phenomenology means - what you see is what you get." Direct observation of characteristics you see and sample with your own senses and measurement apparatus...

Now then...

If you say that redheads have angry personalities, black haired women have patient, independent personalities, brunettes/light brown have devoted personalities, and blondes have creative, fun personalities, you'd go about your informal social engagements noticing that yes, in some cases, individual women may fit some of these vague, general molds.

However, you would start to fall into a trap and a trick of the mind of sorts - one, you are making an error of "sample size." That the total number of women you could ever meet in your lifetime would ever size up to enough to justify a scientific finding that is representative of, say, THE ENTIRE PLANET, you'd be very, very wrong. And secondly, that trick of the mind - that your brain stores information in "lumps" of discrete kinds, categorizing and lumping "like with like" in memory...

...to the point that you only start seeing women of a certain hair color that also have the vague intellectual or emotional characteristic...

...and ignoring those who do not.

The problem is not the "phenomenology" - e.g. there ARE women of a certain hair color who DO have certain behaviors generally...

...but there is NO CAUSAL CONNECTION scientifically between the physical attribute of hair, and the invisible mechanics of their psychology.

THAT is the intellectual black box we are having to deal with.  You might try to market such a "system," but it would not WORK in practical everyday life you see.

 

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Now then, onward to what all this leads to...

 

Women's 4 Styles of Humor

There's a gentleman named Rod Martin who has engaged in an actual academic study of styles of HUMOR - not the "liquid" kind, but the "haha" kind...

He establishes that these four types are:

  • Affiliative Humor - defined as the style of humor used to enhance one’s relationships with others in a benevolent, positive manner.
  • Aggressive Humor - a style of humor that is potentially detrimental towards others. This type of humor is characterized by the use of sarcasm, put-downs, teasing, criticism, ridicule.
  • Self-enhancing Humor - a style of humor related to having a good-natured attitude toward life, having the ability to laugh at yourself, your circumstances and the idiosyncrasies of life in constructive, non-detrimental manner.
  • Self-effacing Humor - the style of humor characterized by the use of potentially detrimental humor towards the self in order to gain approval from others.

Guess what? These correlate with:

  • the King/Queen personality in KWML having Affiliative Humor
  • the Warrior personality having  obviously Aggressive Humor
  • the Magician personality having Self-enhancing Humor
  • and Lover personalities having Self-effacing Humor!

Once you know what your personality type is, only through knowing the KWML system do you know exactly what type of woman you are MOST FUNNY too, and therefore MOST ATTRACTIVE, have the BEST COMMUNICATION WITH, and best of all, that magic connection and tactic called SEXUAL TENSION with!

Eureka.  So say it mildly.

 

Stunning Success With Women Using Humor and Sexual Tension

Here is where we take ONLY the useful part of Galen's "humors" and apply them directly and scientifically to the best predictive, repeatable aspect of the KWML SYSTEM of PERSONALITY in women!

In the KWML System, we are attracted to our OPPOSITES. So their appreciation of humor is going to tend to BE our opposite style.

You are going to want to trigger "arousal" and its discomfort that is felt in such things as "too long eye contact" or "prolonged silences" as on a quiet date at dinner - let that tension BUILD, then WHAM! Relieve it with the PERFECT kind of humor that THEY, not YOU, most APPRECIATE!

You see, as we learned in the Omega Male Program all along, it was never humor in and of itself that is sexy to women. Nor is it the bold aggressiveness of a sexual advance alone that gets them gaga for you. (In fact, the latter can be quite threatening and off-putting, if not completely inappropriate - perhaps the reason many men, rightfully, fear BEING bold or obvious in their desires expressed toward women.)

No, it's the RELEASE of sexual tension that is the intoxicating move.

That's it.

This will be challenging to learn the right kind of humor because it will be the OPPOSITE of what you usually like and are used to.

We can learn this together on the teleseminar calls of the On Demand Program and forums for men, here:

http://www.menspsychology.com/OD

Go HERE FIRST, and take the test for YOURSELF, and for a woman of interest:

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And consider this:

 

  • If you are a KING, then the best match for you is a MAGICIAN female.
     

She will like Self-enhancing Humor the BEST, and this is the RELEASE for the sexual tension build-up between you. Sh ewill think you are the FUNNIEST when you do it.

 

  • If you are a WARRIOR, then the best match for you is a LOVER female
     

She will like Self-effacing Humor the BEST, and this is the RELEASE for the sexual tension build-up between you. She will think you are the FUNNIEST when you do it.

 

  • If you are a MAGICIAN, then a QUEEN is your best match.

She will like Affiliative Humor the BEST, and this is the RELEASE for the sexual tension build-up between you. She will think you are the FUNNIEST when you do it.

 

  • If you are a LOVER, then a WARRIOR female is your best match.

She will like Aggressive Humor the BEST, and this is the RELEASE for the sexual tension build-up between you. She will think you are the FUNNIEST when you do it.

You win no matter what with this method.

Go take the test at www.kwml.com, and get started in practicing the right humor that is you OPPOSITE, and don't forget to buy the KWML Mastery Program so that you are one of the first 100 on our lifetime membership for the new site, FREE:

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Comments

Actually

Actually, you make a VERY good point. Very astute.

It's essentially BOTH, but was easiest to suggest the type of humor she'd be MOST COMFORTABLE with, which is her OWN.

However, if she is a mature, evolved woman, she will indeed eventually prefer the humor she is least familiar with and is most foreign to her - her opposite, you are right.

Which is why we suggested learning the KWML system - you find out the best way is to start with what's familiar to the other person, THEN, according to how mature and experienced they are at relating to others, start to introduce her opposite style - which will indeed be mysterious and appealing to her.

Saying the above was just too complex for the article as far as those not yet familiar with the system are concerned.

But you really, really get it...

s

It just got real when these humors correlated with the KWML styles. This is really insightful and entertaining. I'm enlightened on this talk of spectras and things being quantum. However there is something I'm not too sure about, wouldn't she prefer humor that she is not most common to? For example, if she is a warrior wouldn't she like self effacing humor since it is her opposite?
Thank you