What a Woman's Ability to Celebrate and Be Thankful Means to You

The American holiday, Thanksgiving, has just passed - a time for doing just as it sounds: expressing thanks for what you have in your life, and your relationships. Whether or not you celebrate this holiday, my guess would be that at some time in the past few months you wondered about an aspect of being with a woman for which there is very little advice, instruction or solid, step-by-step actions to take:

What does a woman's capacity to celebrate, and to have gratitude (for YOU) mean about her, and mean about you?

It's one of the most important questions that you can ask about a woman, a date, a girlfriend or a marriage, and ironically is one of the least likely things for you to ever question in today's western culture. In fact, these two capacities very well may be absolute barriers to her being capable of joining you in a real and mature adult relationship that lasts.

There are two foundational courses at Men's Psychology which you can use simultaneously to pick apart your relationships with women in this area - to "decode" the minds of women in this regard - the KWML Mastery Course lets you understand the exact right kind of PERSONALITY in a woman who is going to be a good match to you, and what exactly your VALUE to her will be (through no fault of your own or hers) - and the second is the MindOS Mastery Program when it comes to her having enough boundaries, maturity, and "win/win" teamwork ability to actually make a fit partner to you.

The good news is that both of these programs can now be gotten at a discount HERE and HERE, as STREAMING VIDEOS for your use for up to 3 months. Enjoy this new method of learning with us. Just scroll to the bottom of the respective pages and you'll find the STREAMING VIDEO OPTION as a discounted version over the full CD/DVD versions.

Let's cut to the chase and see how to use these programs together to decode what a woman feels about you, by way of how well she can CELEBRATE and how well she can be THANKFUL...

How Much Does She Value Me?

You've definitely been there before... you've dated her awhile, done a lot of things to better her life, but over time, she seems to demand more, and more and more.  There are criticisms, and little comments, sometimes snarky ones, sarcastic ones, and without her even knowing, downright HURTFUL ones.

Yet one of the things we learn in the Mature Masculine Power Program is that men have a normal, natural instinct to NOT COMPLAIN when someone hurts our feelings. Even if you wanted to say so, and even if the woman outright asked you to tell her how you feel, you don't say anything to her because so doing makes you feel even less MASCULINE than before. It's up to her to "decode you" and realize that there is a certain way of talking to a man that honors him, gives him healthy pride, and lets you know in no uncertain terms that yes, she PREFERS you to other men, she WANTS you for who you are, and she RECOGNIZES your WORTH, your VALUE.

So what is "value?"

In the KWML Mastery Course we cover the very definition of "value."

It's equivalent to "positive energy" or positivity, good attitude, or even "happiness."  For someone to value you, it means that the thought of you, the presence of you, simply makes them feel happy, positive emotions. They feel "friendship" for you even if you are also romantic together. This is where women say, "Wow, we are really getting along. I like this." Or they may say they like you, or love you.

These words are all synonyms - love, like, happiness, positivity, friendship. They all mean that your impact on someone is to give them POSITIVE EMOTIONAL ENERGY.

In the KWML then, we decode what EXACTLY about you is a fit to a particular woman with a positive emotional energy impact. Which is the same thing as upping her sense of emotional self-esteem.

Friends, those who feel love or like or happiness at the thought of each other then mutually raise each other's self-esteem!

It's that simple.  In KWML you learn what personality styles in women are most likely and most easily feeling happiness and high self-esteem BECAUSE OF YOUR PRESENCE in their lives.

Which then stands to reason that they would, should, or could value you, right?

Even When You're Good to Them, They Still May Not Value You

That's a really, really tough spot to be in. It may have happened to you this Thanksgiving. You bought the turkey, carved the turkey and hand fed it to her, but she didn't say a word of thanks. She may have even criticized the way you cut it, or how it was overdone or underdone.

Don't laugh. you know what I'm talking about. If this didn't happen to you this year, I'm sure it has happened to a man you know - one where he clearly does valuable things to benefit the woman and her life, and may even have a great match of personality to hers, makes her laugh, etc... but through all that, the woman STILL clearly doesn't value this man.

Maybe that man is YOU.

Well, what it means is that he is dealing with a NARCISSIST.

This is a type of person and psychology that we cover extensively in the MindOS Mastery Program, now also available as inexpensive streaming video.

I've been thinking about two traits of a person's psyche for a long time of late - the capacity to celebrate and the capacity to have gratitude. But I started this new inquiry from a different place than thinking about interpersonal relationships.

I was thinking of mentors and their students.

It was the concept of "generativity" I was thinking about - the notion of how a parent or coach or service provider enters an agreement to help someone else out just because they have the skill and abundance of resources to do so.

For example, you go to a teacher for help with an assignment, and she is overjoyed to just help you out for free, or you go to your aunt's house for Thanksgiving even if you only see her once a year, and she stuffs you like a pig with delicious food even though you don't write or call in between.  It's just love given freely, with no expectation of something in return - that's generativity of the "nurturing" variety.

Well in MindOS, someone who nurtures also has an abundance of well-being, and often is of a personality style of the King, Queen or Lover personalities.  They have plenty of love to give, of the type that meets a need you have.  And they don't expect anything BACK.

Yet the more I thought of how I am always espousing the importance of "win/win" interactions with others in terms of having good boundaries, the more I wondered about this prospect.

I thought, "What if the recipient of love or nurturing DOES owe the giver something back - just not something physical or monetary, or even something requiring any further energy expenditure?"

Aha! Instantly, it made sense to me. The recipient of freely given love (of the nurturing type) OWES the giver back, some GRATITUDE.

That's what we owe people who help us meet our own needs. We need to demonstrate to them that we are THANKFUL. If they see that in us - even if we don't verbalize it - then they are satisfied that their gifts were not "wasted" (on the narcissistic).

"Pearls Before Swine"

What does this saying mean?

It's what a generative giver is on guard for in the people they freely give their nurturing to - the people whose well-being they raise up.

Pearls before swine means that you are wasting your nurturing on someone, that they don't appreciate it, are narcissistic, and therefore without very good boundaries, and these gifts are essentially swirling down a sinkhole of ingratitude.

What I realized in thinking about it this Thanksgiving is that the act of nurturing someone - the act of donating this self-esteem called well-being to them - is also the very act of MOTHERING someone.

Therefore, if you ever feel unappreciated by a woman, you must wonder on one end whether the things you do for her are NOT WHAT SHE WANTS OR NEEDS. In other words, if you give someone a gift they don't want or need (like a telemarketer calling you all hours of the day, or an advertiser shoving promotions in your face), then you certainly don't value them (they are pests, not givers) and you do not owe them THANKS.

But on the other end of the spectrum, if you give a woman things that she DOES WANT AND NEED, and she still does not feel gratitude that you are in her life, you have to wonder two things:

• Is she a narcissist?
• What is the nature of her relationship to her mother?

The reason you must ask the second question is that the experience a woman has of her mother is a core, foundational experience in being nurtured, given to, and is the very relationship in which she can even learn the capacity to be thankful in general, for anything.

In a way it might not be her fault, but in a way, it's your fault and her's both. If you know a woman is not a thankful person, then you might have a reasonable guess that her mother was not very good to her. And if you meet a woman with a terrible or abusive relationship with her mother, you already know that she may have the limited capacity to be thankful, to be giving, or to be LOVING back to you for all you do.

This is all in MindOS.

Celebration and Winning - What Does it Mean in a Woman?

Let's extend the analogy to another kind of self-esteem we talk about in MindOS Mastery - that one called CONFIDENCE.

It's often seen that a person who is not thankful for things also lacks the capacity for CELEBRATION.

Have you ever been with a woman who "throws a wet blanket" on your big victories in life?

You got a job promotion, a raise, you won the contract or the sports game, and come home to find her say, "eh. So what."

What a terrible thing for a hard-working man to feel.

Maybe you had that experience this Thanksgiving. Good news, and no celebration was waiting for you - no party, no joy, no pat on the back even for your hard work, and victories that you fight just to share with her.

Well I was thinking of a different "map" from the MindOS Mastery Program for this one. It's called the "Anxiety Map" - a pathway to follow in decoding a woman's level of anxiety, confidence, and ability to tolerate change, fear, uncertainty and even loss. Women who are Warriors and Magicians in personality have a great capacity to be confident people in this way, and their perfect match in the KWML program is for you to be a King or Lover in male personality.

But what if the woman you are with is a kill-joy, a wet-blanket on your parties and celebration of life?  What if she shoots down your victories even if you try to pump her up, encourage her, help her with career, or friends, family or children? What if you do all the chores, all the support of the household and more?  And she STILL doesn't seem to value you enough to thank you or to CELEBRATE you, herself, or life?

Well, en-couragement is the act of donating "courage" or "confidence" to another person, perhaps without expecting a thing back. Analogously, it is then an act of FATHERING another person.

I started thinking on this one by using a sports coach as an example:

What if a coach knocked himself out to train a team to win a championship and then they did?  What would he expect back? Not money. Not the trophy - that's YOURS. Not even thanks necessarily - not from a group of rowdy men who just won the sports victory.

But what he would not suffer - would not tolerate - is if you won the championship under his watch and REFUSED TO CELEBRATE.

THAT would be an insult, and it is an insult when you work hard to be a good guy in a woman's life and she doesn't celebrate your victories alongside you.

So again, if you do things to encourage your woman at the things she needs to beat the fear of, rise to the occasion of things she needs to change, tolerate uncertainty in, or feel more confident about, and then she STILL doesn't value you, thank you, and CELEBRATE at least her OWN victories in a shared way with you...

...then she is a narcissist, is not a friend, and more. She very well may not have had enough great experiences with her own father to learn the original capacity to love others THROUGH CELEBRATION.

Her father was the first experience of having a man help her, calm her fears, take her by the hand to face the challenges of the world, and find that yes, she can face them.

If he wasn't there, didn't care, or she didn't sense his presence in protecting her, then she herself may lack a capacity to celebrate him, herself, life, or YOU.

Know this ahead of time getting into relationships with women, and do bother to ask them about their relationship to their father and mother.

You may be saving yourself a great deal of disappointment later on.

But take heart. Even if her parents were not the best in the world - few are - just by you both being aware that this is how it all works, you can learn to thank EACH OTHER TOGETHER, and CELEBRATE EACH OTHER TOGETHER.

The very future of your relationship will depend on having the maturity to do this work, perhaps for the first time ever, for YORUSELVES.

It's all in the KWML, MindOS, and MMP Programs available now for the first time as STREAMING VIDEO.