How to Keep Your Power Around a Woman
Many men fall victim to peer pressure or gossip pressure around women and are too quick to surrender power, allow lowered self-esteem, masculinity, or agree to what you don't agree with. Here's how to stop that surrender in its tracks...
The news comes in more and more in support of what you already know inside, instinctively.
I have two things to share with you today – one, a new research finding, and two, a conversation with a man who’s wild about evolutionary psychology.
There’s been several decades now in the mainstream media of every story on behavior championing female empowerment. “You Go Girl” is the mantra, and that’s a very good thing because people ought to be empowered.
Yet more and more, the other half of the species – males – get short shrift.
It’s not a giant conspiracy of women. The natural, biological instincts of males actually contribute to making this happen and it’s not our fault either. It’s a reflex – one which demands that if we are to emote negatively, to express weakness or a need for help or healing, it shows us socially to be of less masculinity than other men.
Which is of course contrary to feeling good about ourselves, to our social standing and progress in life, and lumps “insult to injury” so to speak.
I have two things to share with you today – one, a new research finding, and two, a conversation with a man who’s wild about evolutionary psychology.
There’s been several decades now in the mainstream media of every story on behavior championing female empowerment. “You Go Girl” is the mantra, and that’s a very good thing because people ought to be empowered.
Yet more and more, the other half of the species – males – get short shrift.
It’s not a giant conspiracy of women. The natural, biological instincts of males actually contribute to making this happen and it’s not our fault either. It’s a reflex – one which demands that if we are to emote negatively, to express weakness or a need for help or healing, it shows us socially to be of less masculinity than other men.
Which is of course contrary to feeling good about ourselves, to our social standing and progress in life, and lumps “insult to injury” so to speak.
Men Are Equal to Women: If Anything, They Have Work to Do...
So if you’ve checked the link to the new research study above, at:
http://men.webmd.com/news/20100611/rocky-relationships-harder-for-men
…and now you see actual data that says in at least young men (I suspect men of any age) – that they have a more profound negative influence on their mental health of being in a bad relationship than do women.
This is another example of how seeing the overall design of the methods and systems I lay out for you matter more to understand than just solitary individual data points.
e.g. If you have the Mature Masculine Power program, then you already know that a man’s masculinity – his sense of identity – depends on having attraction to women in general plus great progress on his career mission.
Therefore…
It stands to reason that if he is in a committed relationship, he no longer has that first variable in his favor (many women) unless his partner is very encouraging and tolerant of public flirting with the other sex, and is herself a woman among women to his mind.
But…
If there is relationship strife, and he is in a committed relationship – part and parcel of being in a committed relationship for a man is that he is going to be expected to devote resources – time, energy, and money – AWAY from his mission, and toward the woman in question (with whom he is also having conflict and relationship strife.)
BAM! Now BOTH of the only variables that raise his masculinity and therefore his sense of self are impaired.
Don’t you think that would have a negative affect on his overall mental health?
Duh.
Yes.
Data points matter, but only in the context of how they fit, explain, and make practical, our actions of growth in everyday life.
http://men.webmd.com/news/20100611/rocky-relationships-harder-for-men
…and now you see actual data that says in at least young men (I suspect men of any age) – that they have a more profound negative influence on their mental health of being in a bad relationship than do women.
This is another example of how seeing the overall design of the methods and systems I lay out for you matter more to understand than just solitary individual data points.
e.g. If you have the Mature Masculine Power program, then you already know that a man’s masculinity – his sense of identity – depends on having attraction to women in general plus great progress on his career mission.
Therefore…
It stands to reason that if he is in a committed relationship, he no longer has that first variable in his favor (many women) unless his partner is very encouraging and tolerant of public flirting with the other sex, and is herself a woman among women to his mind.
But…
If there is relationship strife, and he is in a committed relationship – part and parcel of being in a committed relationship for a man is that he is going to be expected to devote resources – time, energy, and money – AWAY from his mission, and toward the woman in question (with whom he is also having conflict and relationship strife.)
BAM! Now BOTH of the only variables that raise his masculinity and therefore his sense of self are impaired.
Don’t you think that would have a negative affect on his overall mental health?
Duh.
Yes.
Data points matter, but only in the context of how they fit, explain, and make practical, our actions of growth in everyday life.
Do Men Really Not Need Help? Maybe Words Count...
In fact, prior to that latest research the “common knowledge” was that men don’t need help with relationships and women suffer more when there is conflict and strife.
The reason the mainstream thought that was true was because of another male instinct that we will cover today.
Alongside this I had a conversation with of all people – my registrar of websites today – a business association in which he couldn’t resist also asking about men, women, and dating because he knows who I am.
Don’t get me wrong. I like him, and like him for his curiosity above and beyond the business connection and role.
But he was all gaga about the books he has been reading in evolutionary psychology, and asked me what I think of some of the authors (one of whom in particular I know well)…
Before he went too hog wild into this latest theory of psychology I had to set him straight, and he GOT IT in the same way I think you will in the blog.
He told me based on his reading that he thinks that human beings are simply hard wired for serial monogamous relationships – serial girlfriends.
I know many of my colleagues think so, and there’s a case to be made that this is a strong force and drive in us in general.
But that’s the extent of it as a universal “truth” about humans.
There is a glaring error built into this thinking, and a massive (while at times rare) exception to this suspected evolutionary psychology “rule.”
The reason the mainstream thought that was true was because of another male instinct that we will cover today.
Alongside this I had a conversation with of all people – my registrar of websites today – a business association in which he couldn’t resist also asking about men, women, and dating because he knows who I am.
Don’t get me wrong. I like him, and like him for his curiosity above and beyond the business connection and role.
But he was all gaga about the books he has been reading in evolutionary psychology, and asked me what I think of some of the authors (one of whom in particular I know well)…
Before he went too hog wild into this latest theory of psychology I had to set him straight, and he GOT IT in the same way I think you will in the blog.
He told me based on his reading that he thinks that human beings are simply hard wired for serial monogamous relationships – serial girlfriends.
I know many of my colleagues think so, and there’s a case to be made that this is a strong force and drive in us in general.
But that’s the extent of it as a universal “truth” about humans.
There is a glaring error built into this thinking, and a massive (while at times rare) exception to this suspected evolutionary psychology “rule.”
The End of Men
This dual effect of it being quite natural for women in the mainstream to champion and empower their own gender, coupled with the natural male instinct to avoid complaining, expression of weakness, emotions in need of help, or advice in general...
...well they come together in a toxic way for men, where they don't get to express what's really going on inside, or risk feeling even worse...
...while marching along without a voice in society that's true and accurate regarding their gender (except of course, in the voices of male comedians, which are "safe" and tolerated precisely because they can be dismissed as mere clowns.)
On this count, please see the atlantic monthly article called "The End of Men" which was masterfully highlighted and examined on an episode of comedian Stephen Colbert's The Colbert Report this past week.
This article cited the flagging college enrollment and graduation for men, the diminishing presence in the workforce for men (for the first time in history, males being the minority in the workplace), and coupled together, how these might afford less financial and career opportunity to men to the point where there is talk of affirmative action policies toward men in the USA and other countries that do not now have them:
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2010/07/the-end-of-men/8135/
And the Colbert Report appearance:
http://vodpod.com/watch/3844149-the-colbert-report-the-end-of-men#
...well they come together in a toxic way for men, where they don't get to express what's really going on inside, or risk feeling even worse...
...while marching along without a voice in society that's true and accurate regarding their gender (except of course, in the voices of male comedians, which are "safe" and tolerated precisely because they can be dismissed as mere clowns.)
On this count, please see the atlantic monthly article called "The End of Men" which was masterfully highlighted and examined on an episode of comedian Stephen Colbert's The Colbert Report this past week.
This article cited the flagging college enrollment and graduation for men, the diminishing presence in the workforce for men (for the first time in history, males being the minority in the workplace), and coupled together, how these might afford less financial and career opportunity to men to the point where there is talk of affirmative action policies toward men in the USA and other countries that do not now have them:
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2010/07/the-end-of-men/8135/
And the Colbert Report appearance:
http://vodpod.com/watch/3844149-the-colbert-report-the-end-of-men#
The Importance of Not Drinking the Kool-Aid
So back to men's instincts against revealing weakness, seeking help, and the conversation with my registrar...
What if you were on a hunt with other cavemen, or fighting against the neighboring tribe?
How would they react if you said your feelings were hurt by something a cavewoman had said to you yesterday?
They might laugh if it weren't life and death stakes at hand, or might tell you that you are acting like a little boy not a man, and you had better go back to the village quickly, and not impair their mission to hunt, to kill or to WIN.
Looking at ancient hunter-gatherers and their plight is a useful construct for explaining some of the animal instincts in us today.
But if we were to return to my acquaintance who made the assertion that "serial monogamy" is probably the only thing we are capable of as humans, you need to take a look at a big error there.
Many ask me if I am a Jungian Psychologist.
No.
They ask me what I think of Evolutionary Psychology and whether I am a practitioner.
Well, I like it, but no, not quite.
I'm a "unification theorist," who was trained at the "eclectic approach"...
That means that I am trained to take ALL the major models, and see where they fit our current challenges, applying them where they logically make sense to, and yielding hopefully practical results that work for the person.
Evolutionary Psychology is great for looking at the final frontier of behavior - the UNCONSCIOUS, a k a our INSTINCTS and reflexes as members of the animal kingdom that we are.
However, do you see yourself as simply an animal?
We ought to not throw the "baby out with the bathwater" of course, but we are more than to be lumped in with other animals as if reflexes and instincts are the only thing to dictate our behavior.
Luckily, we have emotions (as do mammals in general), and a cerebral cortex which is markedly different in complexity and power than most other animals. Because of these two functions of the brain/mind, it would stand to reason that yes, animal instincts are important and powerful - perhaps the most powerful force - but that is not to say that they are the ONLY drivers of our behavior.
e.g. we DO have instincts to mate with many mates over a lifetime, but that doesn't mean we are solely hard wired to, have to, are right and natural to as an only option.
There is a big, big exception, and while in some cases it may be rare to come by, the rarity would be reduced with a simple body of knowledge:
Human courtship is more than just an animal mating dance. A courtship process psychologically that includes more than just sexual attraction, and involves more of our brains than just the Reptilian Brain of the Evolutionary Psychologist.
I cover this exhaustively in the Omega Male Program.
And in the starter book called the Masculine Intelligence.
What if you were on a hunt with other cavemen, or fighting against the neighboring tribe?
How would they react if you said your feelings were hurt by something a cavewoman had said to you yesterday?
They might laugh if it weren't life and death stakes at hand, or might tell you that you are acting like a little boy not a man, and you had better go back to the village quickly, and not impair their mission to hunt, to kill or to WIN.
Looking at ancient hunter-gatherers and their plight is a useful construct for explaining some of the animal instincts in us today.
But if we were to return to my acquaintance who made the assertion that "serial monogamy" is probably the only thing we are capable of as humans, you need to take a look at a big error there.
Many ask me if I am a Jungian Psychologist.
No.
They ask me what I think of Evolutionary Psychology and whether I am a practitioner.
Well, I like it, but no, not quite.
I'm a "unification theorist," who was trained at the "eclectic approach"...
That means that I am trained to take ALL the major models, and see where they fit our current challenges, applying them where they logically make sense to, and yielding hopefully practical results that work for the person.
Evolutionary Psychology is great for looking at the final frontier of behavior - the UNCONSCIOUS, a k a our INSTINCTS and reflexes as members of the animal kingdom that we are.
However, do you see yourself as simply an animal?
We ought to not throw the "baby out with the bathwater" of course, but we are more than to be lumped in with other animals as if reflexes and instincts are the only thing to dictate our behavior.
Luckily, we have emotions (as do mammals in general), and a cerebral cortex which is markedly different in complexity and power than most other animals. Because of these two functions of the brain/mind, it would stand to reason that yes, animal instincts are important and powerful - perhaps the most powerful force - but that is not to say that they are the ONLY drivers of our behavior.
e.g. we DO have instincts to mate with many mates over a lifetime, but that doesn't mean we are solely hard wired to, have to, are right and natural to as an only option.
There is a big, big exception, and while in some cases it may be rare to come by, the rarity would be reduced with a simple body of knowledge:
Human courtship is more than just an animal mating dance. A courtship process psychologically that includes more than just sexual attraction, and involves more of our brains than just the Reptilian Brain of the Evolutionary Psychologist.
I cover this exhaustively in the Omega Male Program.
And in the starter book called the Masculine Intelligence.
Masculine Intelligence
Being masculine doesn't make men bad. Being without personal boundaries does.
And being driven to be attracted to many potential mates over the lifetime doesn't make people in general bad either.
But if you ask your grandparents why they stayed together for 50 years totally in love, why a select few men you meet say they know that they know they will be with their wife and only her for life, they may have naturally stumbled upon something:
Every theory proposes that it has all the answers, but seeing the big picture bird's eye view of life, even if you don't have any interest in theories - leads us to find that yes, men and women do manage to find a one and only who is perfectly satisfying for life, and with whom they could never even imagine wanting to be with someone else.
It's HUMAN COURTSHIP, not just "animal mating" - and it's in the complete form shown in the Omega ONLY, because these systems and processes don't come solely from Jungian Psychology, Evolutionary Psychology, Freudian thinking, Cognitive-behavioral therapy or any other singular body of work, but ALL of them unified in their right places.
Follow up with me in discussion on the forums and weekly teleseminars of the Men's Psychology On Demand membership service.
And being driven to be attracted to many potential mates over the lifetime doesn't make people in general bad either.
But if you ask your grandparents why they stayed together for 50 years totally in love, why a select few men you meet say they know that they know they will be with their wife and only her for life, they may have naturally stumbled upon something:
Every theory proposes that it has all the answers, but seeing the big picture bird's eye view of life, even if you don't have any interest in theories - leads us to find that yes, men and women do manage to find a one and only who is perfectly satisfying for life, and with whom they could never even imagine wanting to be with someone else.
It's HUMAN COURTSHIP, not just "animal mating" - and it's in the complete form shown in the Omega ONLY, because these systems and processes don't come solely from Jungian Psychology, Evolutionary Psychology, Freudian thinking, Cognitive-behavioral therapy or any other singular body of work, but ALL of them unified in their right places.
Follow up with me in discussion on the forums and weekly teleseminars of the Men's Psychology On Demand membership service.
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