What Do I Do With a Female Coworker I Now Live With?

Paul Dobransky MD's picture
Submitted by Paul Dobransky MD on Thu, 07/28/2011 - 02:09

Hi Dr Paul, I have a 28-y-o female co-worker who just started renting a room from me in my house. We are platonic friends only and have many friends in common.

She shares a lot of personal information with me about her dating experiences etc. (which has been very educational for me..btw). However, she also keeps asking me about my future plans on my time off (when she is at work), where I am going, and with who, etc.

I want to connect with her and share information in friendship, however I am also slightly concerned that she might gossip at work about any personal details I share with her. Any suggestions on balancing sharing with female friends and their instinctual feminine need for gossip?

I obviously trust her a great deal, but I still have this concern in the back of my mind that some friends will gossip.

Although I didn't think of it at the time, obviously Dr. Paul's advice on not living with someone in a dating context applies here, in a different way. Certainly an impact on freedom, etc.

But since I didn't listen to that :-) Any suggestions?

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Solid Answer:
Well in the workplace, remember "Vague Friendliness" as the master technique.

Now you've brought the workplace home.

A way to navigate this is to get real on what she is - she's a roommate first, one of many potential friends second, and er, hopefully not a love interest.

So remember that just because she lives in your house, this doesn't make her your best friend by default, or only friend. Be sure to have total privacy in various other ways - some friendship circles are totally unknown to her (not her business), and also do not have to be flaunted in her face or cause for getting her worked up in UNINTENDED MYSTERY. Watch out for that last one - by saying "no you can't meet these secret friends" it begs her to chase you and demand to know who they are. Just be rightfully private about many things in life, including having a totally secret set of places to hang out socially, think, work on your mission in life, etc.

And Lock lock lock all computer access to your private stuff, email, etc etc. That's a big feminine temptation...

Everything about career and boundaries between it and women is highlighted in Mature Masculine Power at:

http://www.menspsychology.com/courses/miman

and all of human courtship is in the Omega Male Program at:

http://www.menspsychology.com/courses/miwomen

Complete answers in the Omega Male Program.

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