Socializing with bipolar disorder

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Socializing with bipolar disorder

Postby Pontus » Sun Sep 25, 2011 2:15 pm

Ok, so it turns out I do have bipolar disorder. And while I’m not looking for any medical advice from you (I am getting treated well with mainly Lithium) I am asking for advice on the psychological and more importantly the social aspects of my life. If this is not appropriate please delete this post.

My problem is mainly in socializing with others. Women tend to get extremely turned on (because of my extreme confidence, composure and my natural friendliness) but soon get embaressed or some even pissed (passively). They don’t get I’m just a shy guy trying to learn. Men tend to be very threatened by me. Some even feel the urge to tell me everything masculine they’ve done in their life to try to cut me down to size as if I’m trying to ”out-alpha” them (happened in a job interview for instance, and everywhere else basically). I am a friendly guy, just with loads of confidence and fatherliness (that may come from my disorder).

I guess I have troubles with the ranking order when it comes to guys. They expect me to be the leader but I haven’t got the skills or experience for it, just this massive confidence. Then when everything goes downhill (usually by my own thoughts going awry) it almost feels like people are spitting at me, like I have let everyone down. So what do I do with all this undeserved confidence? I used to think it was all narcissistic pretend (which got me very down in 2008), but it's really there and it keeps coming back. And the problem for me is. I always end up alone.

Any advice you can give will be appreciated.
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Re: Socializing with bipolar disorder

Postby selo » Thu Sep 29, 2011 12:23 pm

Very interesting post,
As I have read until now, this situation happens to odher people
that don't have bipolar disorder,
mostly to those poeple that miss the coinfidence, people that have been suffer from the inferiority (at their very personality,) and to avoid this side ( of missing the coefidence, and to hide their inferiority) they try so hard and behave like they are very coefident (they are conscious for this , and focus so much to show this false coefidence) so they miss the contact with reality. The best thing is to learn to be coefident gradually, with observing ego turned on.
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Re: Socializing with bipolar disorder

Postby Pontus » Thu Sep 29, 2011 12:44 pm

That's interesting. You are talking about false self, right? Narcissism. I get that. And I got plenty of narcissism, for sure. Not so sure it explains my situation (or history) that well though. But I will talk to some professionals about this. I'm getting around to seing a psychologist soon, he might help me with clearing things out a bit.

But thanks for chiming in. I value your comments.
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Re: Socializing with bipolar disorder

Postby Pontus » Thu Sep 29, 2011 1:26 pm

I believe ultimately that keeping my disorder at bay (medicine, sleep, food, excercise, good routine, etc.) does the best for my social life. It just makes me easier to talk to.

I have set up getting together with other people with the same problems as me in a few months, that might get me some answers too.
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Re: Socializing with bipolar disorder

Postby Ant » Thu Sep 29, 2011 3:32 pm

Hey man,

yeah really interesting post. I've done work with bipolar individuals myself - looking at the identity aspects of the condition. Groups are definitely a great way to talk things through. There are bipolar support groups in most major cities (and even small towns) where you can meet others and talk about common problems. Perhaps from there you can meet other GUYS of similar age and discuss these issues you are having with them.


Pontus wrote: They don’t get I’m just a shy guy trying to learn. Men tend to be very threatened by me. Some even feel the urge to tell me everything masculine they’ve done in their life to try to cut me down to size as if I’m trying to ”out-alpha” them (happened in a job interview for instance, and everywhere else basically). I am a friendly guy, just with loads of confidence and fatherliness (that may come from my disorder).


You sound somewhat confused about your personality style and enabling projection. I think it's natural for someone in your position. Obviously it's a difficult thing to separate condition and personality but it's something to consider. Would you say you are 'naturally' gregarious and confident in meeting/interacting with people? If so, it may be that you are really a magician anyway, and when you have episodes this is just accentuated.

Pontus wrote:My problem is mainly in socializing with others. Women tend to get extremely turned on (because of my extreme confidence, composure and my natural friendliness)


If I were you, I'd work on harnessing the stuff you are doing that is getting women hot for you! :lol: You are definitely doing something right here, so keep at it.

Pontus wrote:but soon get embaressed or some even pissed (passively)


Perhaps there are some limiting beliefs and projection going on here? Try to keep your OE on in interactions and not go 'over the top'. Ease back a bit maybe, stay cool, and I'm sure you will make progress in this area.
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Re: Socializing with bipolar disorder

Postby Pontus » Thu Sep 29, 2011 6:32 pm

Wow, thanks for answering.

Yes, I have identity problems. And I am going to go to one of these support groups, hopefully finding I'm not so alone with this. And also GUYS are important, I agree. It's REALLY hard to speak to women in the health care professions, especially if they're younger (like under 35). Imagine being a little extra confident and for me just being myself, women go wild (not so fun when your getting blood-test etc.).

And I'm finding, looking back, this is not a new phenomena. I'm not very gregarious perhaps. I was as a child, very much. But I get people quickly, and I'm just so easily friendly with people (when stable). I'm very comfortable with change and new environments. And it's not like I'm pretending to be all outgoing and stuff. Rather the opposite. I'm always playing down myself and overly humbling down (which in turn makes me even more interesting, or "unusual" as I heard to day).

And the dreams I've been having (meeting up with school bullies, etc.) all point to me having lots of limiting beliefs (I kinda talked openly with my old classmates and my "bully" told me to stop letting other control me so much and just be yourself and then we went into a pub and I sang karaoke, I mean that's pretty telling isn't it?)

And yes, the projections have been crazy, wow. I do enable others to project a lot. And some people don't like that, I can tell. And at times I've been thinking what they projeted on to me was true of me. Need to find something to grasp on to, my center, my identity, so that I don't have to go through that so much. I've found some music to work. I used to listen to Foo Fighters a bit in my youth. Listening to that again today brings me back and gets me on track again.

Ending on a positive note. I live in a not too small city with a big university here. Lots of young people, lots of women. Everywhere I look there's a hot woman, even just looking out of the window. So trying your advice of being cool, easing back (have gotten this advice before of course but never got it's usefulness until know), I think I'm going to be fine.
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Re: Socializing with bipolar disorder

Postby Pontus » Thu Sep 29, 2011 7:15 pm

Ease back. Stay cool. That's going to be my mantra this weekend.
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Re: Socializing with bipolar disorder

Postby Pontus » Fri Sep 30, 2011 12:17 am

It's probably true that I have this disorder, I have a genetic predisposition for it. But I must ask out of curiosity. It's possible to have bipolar in every personality style, right? It's not as if I have to be a Magician just because I have bipolar, right? Am I getting that right? Because it ought to be genetic and biological. I do have a hard time seperating the two, finding out what's what.

I've read somewhere about the "phenomenological" causes. Like that of jumping from King to be a Magician, and developing bipolar problems from that. But I'm really not sure.

Will take this to the pros either way.

As I said it feels good to have something to grasp on to sometimes (like knowing your personality style).
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Re: Socializing with bipolar disorder

Postby Pontus » Fri Sep 30, 2011 8:23 am

If I were you, I'd work on harnessing the stuff you are doing that is getting women hot for you! :lol: You are definitely doing something right here, so keep at it.


Yes, I think I have started to figure out this little mystery now (my masculinity tend to come very strong from the women-variable with my mission-variable slagging after). I took a trip today to a smaller town, by train, and tried your tip of the cool and the easing back. Not trying anything else at all. I found it to be pretty natural (as it used to be). I also found that I got friendly welcoming and calming looks from others and even got approached by a woman asking me for a certain "favor". I teased her for it and she smiled. Feels good. Feels better.

Ok, so here is the verdict. I think I might be mainly a Lover. And a bit unhealthy/immature (sorry about that). And I do think I have bipolar disorder.

Thanks for your comments by the way. I think I got some answers to my question on how to socialize better. Keep my disorder treated, my narcissism in check and learning to be ok with myself.

Will continue working with the local professionals of course.

Thanks.
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Re: Socializing with bipolar disorder

Postby Pontus » Fri Sep 30, 2011 11:21 am

Love is mad! :oops:

Think I need to learn to harness this enormous masculinity boost I get from women into more mission efforts.
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Re: Socializing with bipolar disorder

Postby Pontus » Sun Oct 02, 2011 6:32 am

Also, it's just not from women. I have noticed when thinking back at my last workplace. Everyone started idealizing me and projecting all their good stuff on to me, boosting my ego. Everything was so great. Too great. After a while they started demonizing me, basically telling me (not in exact words perhaps) what a pretender (amongst other things) I was, projecting all their bad stuff on me. I was going to be the "scapegoat" I guess. I kept my cool though because I knew I was being as real as I could and kept working as usual (I have a strong Hephaestus-instinct). That's where the others became shameful and confused. After a while I caved and just left that workplace. And this happens often when I get into new environments (just moved to a new city, started college, same thing). First I'm the greatest guy ever (and I believe them), then I'm the worst (also believing them, atleast I used to), then they get shamed/confused. And somehow I'm obviously enabling this.

What am I doing? Perhaps you guys see what I'm not. Is this medical, or something else? False self? Narcissism (like aking to a personality disorder) gone really bad? Personality-style/identity confusion? Or am I just in the wrong environments? Major naivete on my part? Lack of observing ego? I don't care what it is I just want to know so that I can work on this and go on with my life.
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Re: Socializing with bipolar disorder

Postby Ant » Sun Oct 02, 2011 6:50 am

Think you're definitely a lover. You seem to be overly worrying about what everyone thinks of you and over-analysing. I can relate. It can be hard to have a 'I'm my own person, with my own opinions' attitude at times, especailly when you feel others are against you. As a lover, you have a natural tendency to want to connect and 'please' others. But it's important to cultivate your own self, values, thoughts, opinions. It's all a learning process though. I'm still learning myself.

It also sounds like you need some time to yourself perhaps. Some solitude, to get some masculine perspective. If you can, take a break, a small (or big) holiday. Sometimes getting away is amazing for your own well-being. I can attest to this. It's about getting your needs met. Listen to the free Despresculinity module, you can download it on the forum. Gives great insight into how to target and deal with your needs not being met.

Don't mean to go off tract with what you're asking about, but sometimes (often) taking a step back is what is really needed.
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Re: Socializing with bipolar disorder

Postby Pontus » Sun Oct 02, 2011 12:54 pm

Yes, you are probably right. Think I need to ease off the MP materials for now though as it kind of fuels my thoughts a bit much. I've decided to put all that I've learned on the back burner (way back there) for now and just take a holiday from it all.

Going to sort out the details (about the disorder and it's complications) later, with professionals. That's the way to do it.

Thanks for your helping ideas. I'll see you guys later.
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Re: Socializing with bipolar disorder

Postby Pontus » Sun Oct 16, 2011 4:16 am

Quick update. Getting away a bit did me well, so did watching that Depresculinity module (especially loved the bit on motivation) and reading The War of Art a couple times. I'm back at work (studying) and doing well.
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Re: Socializing with bipolar disorder

Postby Ant » Sun Oct 16, 2011 3:46 pm

Glad to hear it dude. Good luck with the studies!
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